"I'm Not On the Couch"

Me:  Yes you are

Skoshi:  No, I'm not

Me:  Get off the couch

Skoshi:  I'm on my bed

Me:  GET OFF

Skoshi:  ... :(

Weird Subconscious Fears (Part Two)

• One day, I'll get a paper cut on my EYEBALL.
• The vacuum cleaner is actually sentient and is just waiting for a day when I'm not paying attention to lunge out and eat my toes.
• There are secret cameras in my house that watch me every time I'm having a private dance party
• This is a really, really weird one:  I'm actually an insane child and nobody else sees the world like I do, so when I think I'm creating great art work, I'm literally just scribbling with a crayon. Maybe even on the wall of my padded cell!  Maybe that's why I like blogging so much...it's how I talk to my therapists....  (like I said, weird.  BUT POSSIBLE.)
• Dragons are actually real and everybody's keeping them secret from me (that's really mean, guys)
• My friends secretly hate me (I think we all have that one)
• And finally...that one of my geometric chalk drawings (or other drawings) will accidentally be like, a terrorist symbol, and I'll get arrested and interrogated by some guys with creepy black vans (or alternatively: that the terrorists will think I'm one of them)

KitKat the Stubborn Cat

Katherine has this pom pom.

It's not special or anything.  It's just a red craft pom pom.

But she loves that thing so much, you'd think it was made from cat nip.  Of course...it's usually not around.  She plays with it so much, it usually ends up under a piece of furniture.  And usually we fish it out after a few days, either by moving the furniture or by using a spatula.  We do this because if we don't, Katherine sits in front of the disappearing spot and stares at it.  For days.

We didn't do it this time, because, well...we assumed that she'd stop eventually.

It has been three weeks.  She still sits, staring at our stove, for at least an hour every day.

The game, dear Watson, is afoot.

Weird Subconscious Fears (Part One)

1. There'll one be a deadly house fire and when my parents say grab whatever is most valuable to me, I'll grab my iPad.  And I'll be forever judged by the fact that everything else I owned burned down and I risked my life for a Gen. 2 iPad with a cracked screen.
2. Alternatively: I won't be able to decide what to grab and it won't be the fire that kills but my indecision.
3. Alternatively: I escape the fire but get killed by hyenas/jaguars.  Not sure where this one came from but it's caused all kinds of funky nightmares.
4. The garage door is going to one day malfunction and chop me in half.  This fear made me terrified to leave the car before the garage door closed for a full year before I finally got over it.
5. Grasshoppers.  That's all.  I hate grasshoppers.
6. Seriously, grasshoppers.  I fear them so much.  It takes me ten minutes to kill one without screaming.

I'm Going To Hell (Again)

Sup everybody!
So today I was sweeping our front porch (it's part of my chores okay) and I saw a line of ants.  You know, when they're following a trail to food and back and they're all over the place but they're going and coming from the same location.  Anyway....I was like, oh, I need to sweep over there.

So I swept half the ants away.

Half the ants were freaking out because their sisters vanished in front of them.  (useless science fact: all worker aunts are female.  Males are utterly useless, flying around and then mating with a queen and dying, because they can't feed/fend for themselves)

The other half of the aunts were freaking out because I had swept them away from the trail and WE'RE LOST FOREVER WE'RE LOST FOREVER.

And me?

I just cackled evilly and continued with my day.  >:)

More Redefinitions

Paint, n.  A colorful substance that has magical properties.  Is known for appearing on clothes you've never worn while handling it.  (more information: painter's problems)

Book, n.  A supercalifragilisticexpialidocious awesome portal into other worlds that can only be access by applying time, focus, and imagination.  Some claim not to have the correct abilities  (see more:  boring people)

Cat, n.  A quadruped mammal that we put up with because its fuzzy and hates us.  (see also:  Kit Kat) 

Take that, Tree Huggers

My cat is a couch hugger.  You can't really tell in the picture but she is clinging to the couch, not just resting like an under-sized wild puma.

Katherine's favorite hobby.  She pretends that she isn't doing it the moment we walk into the living room

  

"Me?  I wasn't doing anything"

Art Dump Time

Hi everybody!
I've been working on artwork a lot, for a bunch reasons.  One is that Steve the Wimpy Dragon and International Bffs are both pretty much taken care of these days.  StWD has comics scheduled every week until November.  And IBFFs only needs a little maintenance here and there, because I've nagged the authors so much that they actually do things right now.  And I only have to post once of week on there, so there we go.  FREE TIME...what do I do now?

So I drew a lot of stuff.  Yay.

First two things on the list:  I've been working on a series of ADORABLE Harry Potter characters.  It started when I decided to do a picture of Luna Lovegood for my friend.  And then I did a picture of Harry Potter, duh.  And I'm going to do more, hopefully.

See?  Look how adorable!

So when I was on vacation (I don't think I even mentioned that in a post...well, I went on vacation to visit my friends in Florida) my friends and I watched Sherlock.  No, not like a couple episodes...I've never seen Sherlock, just watched the crazy fandom from a distance.  And so I was like WAIT CAN WE WATCH THAT.  And we did, and we watched all three seasons (ten episodes, that is *cries*) in two days.  TWO DAYS.

And this happened.  Horrifying, I know.  I think my main mistake was that I darkened my lips...making him look like a creepy woman

Anyway, I've done a bunch of other sketches recently that don't really fit in with my other blogs and so therefore I can't really post them.  So I'm posting them here.  Muahahaha.

I did this at the Summer Concert series thing that my Mom and Dad dragged took me to

(In honor of the Olympics)

(Mom requested this)

This always makes me smile :D

I did this on a car trip to the beach with my friends.  According to them, this is EXACTLY what my friend looks like from the side.  By the way, this one has a title:  "Summer Wear"

Anyway that's all I have for y'all today!  Thanks for reading :D  See you on Wednesday!


((Update:  not sure what's up with all the text and the weird white background, but I apologize.  I think its localized to just this post anyway))

Redefinitions

Hullo!
I've decided to start up a new little section of this blog called, you guessed it, Redefinitions!  It's all about what the dictionary should have said, instead.  I dunno, I thought it'd be funny.

Teenager, n.  A biped mammal often found in kitchens and computer rooms.  Known for extreme hunger, mood swings, and sass.  (for more information:  human, destructive, creative mess)

Painful, adj.   That feeling that you get in your teeth when you get your braces tightened, even after the dentist said, "This won't hurt".  (see also: lies)

Dog, n.  An angel come down to earth in the form of a four legged beast who happens to fart on your bed.  (Thanks Skoshi, I just washed my sheets)

You get the idea.  Anyway, I want to do this every so often, just because.  Hope you liked it!

(Side note:  I was going to post this on Wednesday but I got impatient :P )

HELLO FRIEND

Today Katherine discovered three very important things:

• Important Thing #1:  There's an underside of Noelle's bed that I can access by slipping behind the ottomans at the end of her bed frame and crawling through the trundle bed wires
• Important Thing #2:  Momma hid all kinds of fun things like power cords back there!
• Important Thing #3:  When Noelle is typing on her iPad or sketching in her sketchbook, that means she wants to play with me.  And if she's laying on her bed, then I can reach up around the edge and cut her fingers with my claws!  :3

My reaction: ...

...

.....

.........

.................sigh.

P.S.:

Sorry I haven't been posting regularly!  I've been so busy, getting ready for my freshmen year of high school (ick) and helping mom prep for her surgery, which should remove her cancer (double ick)

My Crazy Life

So this blog is a quiet blog.

This blog is almost silent.

Not many viewers (by choice).  Even fewer comments (not by choice).

But outside this blog, I have a crazy noisy life of insanity, that I shall now describe because...reasons.

As you guys know, I also run two other blogs - Steve the Wimpy Dragon, or StWD.  StWD is like this quiet little kid that you can give two trains and it'll sit in the corner and play with those two trains for an hour or two.  If you take away the trains, he gets fussy, but otherwise, he's sweet and quiet.  He's also loved by everybody, and readers think he's adorable.

International Bffs is StWD's big brother.  He's this kid (whom all babysitters know and dread):  "Hey hey hey hey hey!  Oh.  I forgot what I was going to say.  Oh well.  OH!  Hey hey hey hey hey can you put my drawing on the fridge?  Hey hey are you listening?  Mooooom she's not listening to me!"  (and I'm International Bffs's Momma.  Don't even try and argue)

So yeah, IBFs takes a while to admin or post or do anything, but as a blog I really love all the material and different approaches to blogging.  It's definitely worth the time and effort.

Those two blogs take up like 50-65% of my free time, and I allow them to.  Another 20-30% is spent on my book, which is the third in the series and SHOULD be stressing me out (it's not... haha... procrastination... you think I'd learn by now but no...)  And a good 40% is spent on artwork, sketching, painting, drawing comics (although that overlaps with Steve the Wimpy Dragon)  And yes, I know that that doesn't add up to 100%...I also spend negative 3% on my math skills :D

...and THAT's why I didn't post this Monday.

*Sigh*

Who am I?  Yes, I'm very mysterious.

Skoshi:  No you're not.

Shush I'm super mysterious.  Very scary.  Much mystery.

Katherine:  You sing in the shower.

Shut it cat.

Skoshi:  You're also crazy.

No I'm not.

Katherine:  You're talking to two animals.

....I'll leave now.

Important Questions in Life #3

When will my reflection show who I truly am inside?

Important Questions in Life #2

Could I train the cat to hunt flies and actually kill them?  Or do I have to keep putting up with this 'catch maul release' program?

Important Questions In Life

Why is it that I only want the dog/cat on my lap when they don't want to be on my lap, and visa versa?

13 Reasons I'm Going to Hell (Pet Edition)

• I laugh when my cat runs face first into our cabinets because she was so focused on the fly she was hunting
• I say our cat is useless because she can't catch a single dang fly to save her life (unless they're old and dying, and then she let's them go!!)
• When I see our dog like this, I immediately poke her in the stomach:

Sorry Skoshi.

• When our dog had to put on the 'donut of shame' I laughed my head off.  

This is the donut of shame.  It's a fabric version of the cone of shame, and it's a lot more comfortable for the dogs.  It...it just makes them look like a camouflaged lion dog.

Also, that's my mom, attaching it to Skoshi's neck.  Hi Mom!

• When our dog couldn't quite reach her food bowl because of the 'donut of shame', I didn't help her.  I just kept laughing.
• I tease our cat with pens and pencils when she sits on the couch back, because she gets so distracted that she falls off.
• When I hear the demon cat ripping up stuff when my Mum and Dad aren't home, I just make sure it's not my stuff before returning to my drawing (sorry parents)
• I giggle when I spray the cat.  Of course, I only do it if she's getting into what she shouldn't...but it still cracks me up.
• When I see the cat like this on my bean bag, I sit on her:

It's true!

• This bothers me:

(only when I'm working though)

• Even though I will physically drag our cat into my lap so I can snuggle with her, ignoring her pitiful mews and struggling (if anybody ever wonders where I got that scar on my neck from...now you know)
• I let my pets on my lap when I'm sitting on the couch...even though the dog isn't allowed up there....
• I eat peanut butter in front of my dog.  'nough said.

The Great Squirrel War

Okay so this has 0% to do with my pets, believe it or not.  It has to do with my two wonderful friends, JJ and Aaron.  I don't know how or why, but a few days ago...this happened:

That is my notification stream.  Or, at least, ⅓ of it.

And I was just like:

I DON'T GET NOTIFICATIONS

MAXIMUM OF 5 NOTIFICATIONS AT ALL TIMES

I thought it was just a thing they were doing, but then this happened:

And of course they didn't stop (because REASONS) and I was all like:

(ehehehehe)

Before they knew what was happening, squirrels.

Squirrels everywhere.

EVERYWHERE

No matter what they said to me, I would always respond with "I am the queen of the squirrels".  Followed with a picture of a squirrel.

:D They've given up now (I think)

Anyway, this post had no point beyond the fact that my friends and I are weird and we love it *bows* thank you!  Thank you!  Please, no autographs.

(Update from a week later:  nvm they haven't stopped and it's escalating PANIC)

Just a little sketch I did

And hope you like it!

I dunno I did this while stuck in a over-crowded cinco-de-mayo-partying On the Border, so you tell me.

I have my various blogs - Steve the Wimpy Dragon, represented by Steve, of course, then my three pets representing Two Cats Too Many, then a bottle cap pin representing my old blog Lemon Z Crafts, and then all the locations I've lived for AF Brat life (which was discontinued) and International Bffs covering all of that.

Then "under the surface", I have my popular book series RMS (a.k.a. Messy Marvel) and the book I plan on writing next, Busted, and my sci fi in-progress book, Glitch.  And then just for kicks I included the Icy One, which was the first book I seriously considered writing (I failed.  I was 10.)

Anyway, that's all for today!

Sometimes I think I'm normal...

And then this happens:

AND IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE

GOOD DAY

Good Night, Take 2

Me:  Muuuuum, I luuuuuuurve you!
Mum:  I lurve you more!
Me:  You doooo?
Mum:  I lurve you the mostest!
Me:  Awww.  *kisses Joey on the head*
Joey:  *supremely insulted*
Me:  *kisses Skoshi on the head*
Skoshi:  *confused*
Me:  *kisses Katherine on the head*
Me:  *gets swatted in the face*
Me:  ...night y'all.

Flying Piranhas

Today I was doodling these little combination characters that I made up - cartoon piranhas with wings.  I find them adorable (but that's just me).  I asked Mum if she wanted me to draw one for her.

She said she needed another cup of coffee to deal with this level of weirdness.

Or something like that.

I'm paraphrasing.

Sorry Mum.

Things I Will Not Do In My House

1. I will not shoot rubber bands, hair bands, or any other sort of ring-shaped object in or close to a doorway, as we have the derpiest cat in the world and she might get hit in the face.
2. I will not run after a cat if she gets hit in the face yelling "I'M SO SORRY LET ME LOVE YOU!"
3. I will not cackle evilly when my readers are clueless about plot twists.  Adjustment:  this is perfectly okay.  If plot twists are twisty then cackle away.
4. I will not edit rules of the house simply to cackle evilly.
5. I will not run through the house yelling "IT'S GOT ME" to rile up the dog.
6. I will not fake my own death to rile up the dog.
7. I will not rile up the dog.
8. I will not politely inform my cat to "shove off" when she jumps ON MY WII CONTROLLER during a game.
9. I will not make a silly list of rules concerning pets that will be broken within 24 hours.

I Need Sleep: An Autobiography by Me

Today a commercial came on advertising an Abe Lincoln museum with the actual carriage that the president rode to the theater, and all I thought was, "Oh, I'd love to see the vehicle Mr. President rode to his death!"  And then giggled for like, five minutes.

Mental Note:  I'm not allowed to drink coffee anymore.

Another Mental Note:  Maybe I should stop giggling and get some sleep....nah.

My Brain is Inconsequential and Unnecessary (Apparently)

Katherine sat directly above and behind me while I was playing video games today.  I could feel her eyes boring into he back of my skull; it was a little very creepy.  When I mentioned this to Mom, she informed me that Katherine was trying to think of a way to get the lid of my head off and empty it out so that she could use my empty gutted skull as a cup.  When I protested, Mom said, "What?  She has no opposable thumbs!  It must be contemplated on!"

Good Night

Good nights between my mom and I:

Her: Good night!

Me: sleep tight

Her:  don't let Katherine bite!

Katherine: *sits creepily and directly behind me, mostly enveloped by darkness*

Happy Mother's Day!

Mum:
You are wonderful and kind
In both actions and mind
You are sweet and sour
You help me every hour
Without you, I wouldn't be here today
So this is a poem for you...kay?

(I know, my rhyming skills need work)

Open Windows on Rainy Days

Today it drizzled and rained and did nothing interesting all day, but we had the back door open with the screen door to keep the various pets of the house from escaping (I'm FREEEEEE!!).  Katherine LOVES the screen door, because she can smell all the smells and see all the things and hear all the noises and she just likes it.

Skoshi is rather unimpressed by her obsession and slept all day in her bed in the school room, keeping me company.

Katherine is Officially a Terror

So here's a little excerpt from my evening:

*brushes teeth*

*hears crash in my room*

*goes in, toothbrush in mouth*

*room is empty*

*shrugs it off, closes door, and goes back to bathroom*

*washes off makeup*

*poses for like ten minutes in front of the mirror (don't ask)*

*returns to room*

*turns to desk*

*Katherine swats at my feet with her claws then retreats to the other end of my closet*

*fishes her out after like two minutes of scratching*

*Katherine darts under my bed when given an opportunity to leave*

*sighs and waits twenty minutes for her to come out*

*literally throws her out in the hallway*

*goes to bed, unfazed*

School is Hard, Lie on the Floor and Die Instead

It's been a pretty long, stressful day, so I'm actually writing (wrote??  Should I use the past tense??) this in a notebook.  School has been slowly killing me with finals and a super duper major presentation, so I'm pretty thrilled to see the day over with.

Actual things I said after school was finally finished today:

-  *lying on the floor while mom looks on distainfully* I should probably get up.  And get ready for bed.  Or work on my chores.  Instead, I shall put this basket over my head.  I am a turtle.  You cannot see me. *covers head with basket and rest of my body with a fuzzy blanket*

-  Skoshi, leave the cat alone.  She just wants to shove her face in Mom's shoe.  *Katherine indeed shoves her entire face up to her collar into Mom's stinky tennis shoes and remains that way for two minutes*

-  I wonder if sugar gliders make good fuzz therapists?
-  Sugar gliders would definitely make good fuzz therapists
-  I want eight dozen sugar gliders

Katherine Has a Thing for Pencils

Today Katherine jumped in my lap while I was in the middle of studying algebra and stayed there for twenty minutes.  If I tried to sketch while watching the news, she would try and catch the pencil (she hasn't figured out that it's not alive, or doesn't care).

Welcome to My New Blog!

Hello everybody!

My name's Noelle, Air Force Artist, Author, Blogger, and Randomness Expert.  This isn't not, by far, my first blog, but I'm trying something new.  I've been blogging for four years now, switching between my oldest blog, AF Bratlife (which I eventually changed to Lemon Z crafts and then quit), International Bffs (which has been very successful) and my most recent and popular blog, Steve the Wimpy Dragon (a webcomic blog).

I'm not really certain what this blog is going to be for, besides my strange thoughts and the goofiness of my pets, which inspired the blog title Two Cats Too Many.  I have a pair of cats, an older girl named Joey who is a big sweetie but looks constantly evil, and a young kitten named Katherine, who is better known as demon cat/kitten.  We're pretty certain that she's planning world domination.  I also have a dog, named Skoshi.  She's a middle-aged min pin with lots of energy and bad breath.

This is Katherine.  I SWEAR SHES A SMALL DEMON

I'll try to keep my posts short and often, and I hope you enjoy reading!  Be sure to check out my older/other blogs and bye y'all!!