It's only my tenth move I don't care or anything.
Anyway, this being our "final" move, we've been going through all our stuff and I mean ALL our stuff, including all the crappy wii games of my youth. I decided to do quick, in fact, sixty second, reviews of every one of them. Just warning you now though... most of them ain't good. Like me's grammar.
Let's get started!
Spore Hero: A semi fun game about collecting body “parts”, saving your alien friends, and defeating a comically evil demon from space. Prepare to be frustrated over mini games that you MUST complete, not have adequate “parts” to complete battles, and be generally bored by the second or third level.
2/5 stars. Helped me entertain small children once.
Harry Potter (LEGO, Years 5-7): Play through as Harry Potter and fam. Be frustrated with motion controls. Be confused over what exactly you’re supposed to do, where you’re supposed to be going, and which Weasley you’re playing as. Froze and broke my wii for six months, had to do several hard resets.
0/5. Leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
Wild Earth: African Safari: Learn about wildlife and challenge yourself to get as close as possible without getting brutally mauled (in a family friendly manner, of course). Looks fun, is actually a game about taking photographs for a very boring Nat Geo knock off. It’s just kinda bad, but kept me entertained as a kid. Hyenas are the stuff of nightmares. At least it has good mini games.
2/5. I honestly only remember the mini games.
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| Nightmare hyenas for affect |
Wii Sports Resort: Play a variety of sports with friends! Just kidding, only play fencing and DESTROY THE COMPETITION. For the rest of the games, blame the motion controls and buttons for your lack of skill. Fly around the island you play on and secretly wish that Nintendo would make an open world game based on it for the switch. Also, archery. Just. You get to do archery. In your living room.
3.5/5. Please make that open world game. Please.
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| "totally skill and not frantically waving around the wii motion plus remote" |
*Mariokart 8: Remember Mariokart? This is that, but better. Unfortunately, nobody will play it with you because its ‘too different’ and ‘the touch screen is way too overpowered’. End up playing online or against computers over and over and over and over and over and over (etc.)
4/5. Still fun for casual playing.
*Splatoon: A fun third person shooter with a cartoony style and family friendly violence. Play various modes including “cover all the ground”, “control the tower”, and my favourite: “capture the flag” except the flag is a badly designed nuke that can go off in any direction except the one you aim it at. Learn new levels of frustration with bad teammates. Also, squids. Also also, a story mode that you wish was more challenging. Also also also, avoid the fandom they're very cringe.
4/5. Nintendo why you no update anymore.
I refuse to add a picture for this game to my already very weird search history
Mario & Sonic at the Winter Olympic Games (2010): Remember Sonic? “I didn't, because I never played those games as a kid.” Love the Olympics? “Eh it’s sports but okay.” WINTER Olympics? “Wait that’s a thing?” Yup! Let’s combine them all into a poorly programmed game that makes a bit of sense, but not really.
2/5. I base my opinions on the Winter Olympics on how fun the corresponding game was.
Endless Ocean: Blue World: Fall in love with the ocean! Save the whales! Made me want to be a marine biologist! Still play today! Story is a bit wack but the dolphins make up for it (they’re like dogs but they also find treasure and make you money). Your friends will call you a nerd but deep down you’re.... Really a nerd. Play it anyway.
4/5
De Blob: Play as a anthropomorphic blob of paint. Fight alongside a quirky bunch of art revolutionists to route out the invading business lord supreme. Lots of colour and jazz music, bad motion controls. Story based, which is always a turn-off for me but some people like games like that :)
2.5/5
Animal Crossing: City Folk: Sacrifice your life to do boring chores like -
- Pay off your mortgage
- Pull weeds
- Pick out furniture for your house
- Run errands for other people
- Raise money for charities
- Fish. For fun
Also there’s animals and stuff. Might lowkey turn you into a furry but definitely worth a chance (I have not played the other Animal Crossings though, they could be better!)
4.5/5. Still play fairly regularly
Nope.
*Scribblenauts Unlimited: So forgettable that I only had an hour of play time logged two and a half years ago when I originally received the game as a gift and never touched the game again. Get the free app on your iDevice instead. Save your money.
0/5. Bleh :/
*Nintendo Land: A collection of party games based on other Nintendo franchises, including Legend of Zelda, Metroid, Animal Crossing, Luigi’s Mansion, and Pikmin! Just good ol’ fashion friend trolling. Will take some convincing to get them to play it, but once you do it’s fun for all three of your friends (and you). Bright colours and a nice atmosphere of STRESS.
3/5. Seriously good for trolling friends.
*Legend of Zelda: Windwaker: A charming game with cute, cartoon style animations and prime examples of child negligence (Gramma why you no prevent the ten year old from getting a LITERAL SWORD and sailing off with PIRATES). Sail around in a talking boat, fight anthropomorphic pigs, and try to ignore the online hate demanding a “gritty” game.
4/5. Still need to complete it (I will... someday)
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| A legitament picture I took today NOT FOR THIS BLOG POST Why is my life like this |
Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess: I haven’t played it I’m sorry, I literally just let it sit on my shelf and guilt me
?/5
*Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: AHH. BEST. THE BEST. PLAY IT. Open world, lovely, touching story, you (almost) never run out of fun! It’s not without its problems (more side quests? Maybe not relating to shrines? Better music? A GOOD DLC?!) but you should most certainly play through it if only for the beautiful and highly detailed world
5/5. I have 60 hours logged and haven't completed the main quest yet. Send help.
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| *Stayin' Alive playing in the background* |
*stuff I have on the wiiU.
These were so fun to write! Let me know if you want me to do more 60 Second Reviews in the future and until next time, have a lovely day :)
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