Things I Will Not Do In My House

1. I will not shoot rubber bands, hair bands, or any other sort of ring-shaped object in or close to a doorway, as we have the derpiest cat in the world and she might get hit in the face.
2. I will not run after a cat if she gets hit in the face yelling "I'M SO SORRY LET ME LOVE YOU!"
3. I will not cackle evilly when my readers are clueless about plot twists.  Adjustment:  this is perfectly okay.  If plot twists are twisty then cackle away.
4. I will not edit rules of the house simply to cackle evilly.
5. I will not run through the house yelling "IT'S GOT ME" to rile up the dog.
6. I will not fake my own death to rile up the dog.
7. I will not rile up the dog.
8. I will not politely inform my cat to "shove off" when she jumps ON MY WII CONTROLLER during a game.
9. I will not make a silly list of rules concerning pets that will be broken within 24 hours.